Last night I wrote a blog post filled with self loathing after a day of eating everything in sight. This day followed closely behind the day before and the day before that. It wasn't a one day binge I was feeling guilty about. It was an unhealthy lifestyle I've adopted over the past few years.
The support I received was beyond anything I expected. The support was a mixture of tough love by close friends who know me well and many others sharing how they Were feeling the same way. A few of my lovely friends worried about my guilty feelings and hating on myself so much.
I just want to say that every single one of you said something that resonated with me. Even the person who said I needed a good burp!
I do have an unhealthy relationship with food and I suspect many of us do. I also know that dieting isn't the answer. Ultimately I want to feel healthy on the inside and that includes eating food that is good for me and doing some exercise. It means adopting a healthy lifestyle. It's not a 3 month thing. It's an all the time thing.
Of course I want to look good on the outside as well. I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but I am realistic and know I will never have a flat stomach and legs that go on for miles. I'm very much ok with that.
What I want the most is to feel strong again. At the moment it feels like my bones are doing all the work. When I am fit I can feel my muscles holding my skeleton up. When I'm not, I can literally feel my bones bearing all the weight.
So ... today I have exercised and stuck to making healthy food choices. I didn't starve, nor did i feel cheated. Tomorrow I will get up and do the same thing again. I am going to take this one day at a time. I will not make any rash promises nor set any unattainable goals.
Every day I wake up I have exactly the same choices as I had the day before. I just need to make choices that are right for me. The choices that make me feel good at the end of the day.
We all have our "messed uppednesses" to deal with and we all make excuses as to why we don't always do the things that are good for us. I'm the queen of this. I also know that most of us do the best we can on any given day. It's just that some days are easier than others. Today was one of those easier ones. I felt I had the support of you all cheering me on. I know not all days will be so easy. Life is like that.
I don't intend making this blog a journey about losing weight but I will come here regularly and share how I'm feeling. It may help someone else and if the comments I received last night are anything to go by, you all will most certainly help me.
Thank you xxxx