Like acid and eyeballs.
Gremlins and food after midnight.
Anxiety Warriors and dentists.
I'm an anxiety warrior and the dentist is my nemesis.
You should know that my dentist Trent is a really lovely bloke. He is kind and gentle and provides me with copious amounts of gas. My dislike of him is not personal. I just don't like being on his chair, unable to move, with my mouth filled with objects that shouldn't be in mouths ... it's all kinds of claustrophobic hell.
The other day I broke a tooth. I'd rather break a leg. I am serious.
I am petrified of going to the dentist. The pain doesn't bother me. It's everything else. You could say it is irrational, but I may not listen to you.
As a person who battles with anxiety on a regular basis a trip to the dentist fills me with fear and dread. I never go for regular check ups ... I only ever go when it is time to fix something. Yes I totally understand the irony in that statement. And, no I won't listen to anyone's advice about prevention being better than cure. I just won't.
I told you. Irrational.
A few years ago this trip to the dentist would have rendered me incapable of thinking straight for at least 2 days beforehand. In fact, in days gone by I would only go to the dentist if I could have a general anesthetic. These days, with a bit of help from a hypnotherapist I can keep the truly irrational fear at bay until I'm in the car on the way. Then it is game on.
Did I mention that I'm going to the dentist today? In approximately 2 1/2 hours.
The anxiety levels are building. I'm trying not to think about it, but minute by minute, hour by hour the space in my mind is being overtaken by all things dentist.
Today's plan of attack will have me arriving 1/2 hour early so I can sit in the coffee shop downstairs and take a half does of valium. He will need to take an xray and I can manage that without too much panic. Should he need to do some work I will require gas - even for a poke around gas will be required. The minute I have to lie back and the suction machine starts, I need to be somewhere else in my head. Somewhere else usually involves drugs and/or gas.
Last night a colleague told me he loves the dentist - he catches up on sleep when he is in the chair. What the? My mind cannot even process this. I am still trying to understand how people can watch those televisions they put on the ceilings. Seriously, the last thing I want to do is watch Mr Bean or Rage music clips.
Millions of people are enduring much worse than this I know, and as I'm writing this I'm embarrassed by how ridiculous it sounds. I wish I could just give myself an upper cut and get the hell over myself - but it's not that easy.
Anxiety disorder makes simple things seem so complex. Yes it is irrational, and to some people it borders on ridiculous, but to an anxiety warrior it is a very real thing and not something that can be fixed with a good dose of "get over yourself".