Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Bring back the mystery ... please!!

Warning - contains graphic descriptions that will put you off your dinner, and possibly intimate relations with your partner, wife, husband and/or lover. 

Dear Advertising Executives

Uncircumsised men have sweat and body oils forming under the foreskin, specifically under the hood and behind the penis crown, creating a cheesy looking gunk called smegma.  This needs to be cleaned daily in the shower by pulling back the skin and washing thoroughly, otherwise a nasty odour will develop, leaving you feeling less than fresh.  Our special soap is designed to make this process a more pleasant experience.  Every man wants a fresh clean penis so he can go about his day with confidence.  Cue ... music and beautiful women paying him extra attention.

Did that just make you squirm?  Put you off your breakfast?  Dinner?  Intimate relations with your partner? 

"You know even that bit of discharge in between our periods is our body working to keep the vagina healthy and that damp, less than clean feeling is why *insert company name* has designed these fresh liners with an absorbent core to lock away wetness and odour, helping you feel clean, dry and fresh every day." 

How does that make you feel as you sit on the lounge after dinner with your husband, lover, kids or worse still, your dad?

Yet they are both facts of life.   We shouldn't be ashamed of what our bodies do, and we most definitely shouldn't have a problem with calling a vagina and a penis exactly what they are.


Yes, there is a however.

I'm no prude.  In fact, I love to find the "naughty" side of most things, as people who know me well will atest to.

However ...

I don't want to be reminded of vaginal discharge on my television.   I have a vagina and I know what it does, as I'm sure most women do.  Little girls don't need to know about vaginal discharge until they are older.  Little boys, teenagers, husbands and fathers never need to know about vaginal discharge ... ever.

Just like women don't need to know about "cheesy gunk" that can build up under the foreskin of an uncircumcised penis. We don't need, nor want to know about it ... ever.

The only cheesy I want to see or hear on my television are ads for actual cheese that I can put on a cracker and enjoy with a fine wine.  Yet after seeing an ad for keeping a penis fresh and clean, I doubt I would ever want to eat cheese again!

Personally, I'd be happy to settle for more cheesy advertisements.

For example, to advertise personal hygiene, I'd much prefer to see a pretty girl in a floaty dress with an "air of freshness" about her or a handsome man with freshly washed hair and a towel around his waist, promoting that "just washed" look.

Can we have a little bit of mystery around personal hygiene ads again please?

Can we bring back sexy?

There's nothing wrong with not stating the obvious.  We don't need to be politicially correct in every single aspect of our lives.  Especially personal hygiene on the television.  Let's leave the nitty gritty of this to the chemist shop or family planning clinic.

We run the risk of the next generation growing up to believe that a woman's vagina is not a place of mystery, intrigue and desire, but a damp, smelly area that should always be adorned by a panty liner of some description.

I predict a sharp decline in oral sex.

Just saying.

Do you, the advertising people of Australia, want to be responsible for this?


PS:  Do not get me started on toilet paper with ripples ...


  1. Hi Annie! I understand what you are saying, but I actually feel the opposite. I think too much "mystery" can promote a shyness - and even shame - about things that, as you say, are perfectly normal. I think men and women should know about things that happen with each others' bodies. But I think you've touched on a highly contested issue, so it will be interesting to see what other people think too!

    1. I think it is a good issue for healthy debate. I'm sure there are varying degrees of opinion and I will be interested to see what they are :)

  2. I agree these type of ads should definitely with a TMI warning , there is just no need to make us squirm like this watching family television viewing .

  3. I am not a fan of prudishness, ridiculous so called political correctness or oversensitive sensibilities. As an example, I have always insisted on an open door policy at home, ie toilet, bedroom, bathroom and both my wife & I have no hesitation I'm getting around the house naked; our kids are not so keen.
    However, I agree with your contention about stuff thrust in front of us on TV. You could extend the argument to include the gross anti smoking ads too. We don't smoke and don't like seeing graphic images of the results of smoking related disease - they are preaching to the choir. I also don't like the graphic scenes on the TV news or noisy grabs on radio news. Why do news producers feel the need to accentuate and embellish their stories? Do they have credibility issues?
    I certainly support your argument about reducing the gunge on the TV but we need to be comprehensive in our approach, Annie. Take care. Regards, Drew.

  4. Annie, I couldn't agree more. All women who have reached puberty and beyond, are aware that feminine hygiene products are necessary. There is absolutely NO need for advertisement of these products. I'll be honest, I never noticed a difference between brands anyway.

  5. I agree Annie.I felt so uncomfortable sitting watching tv with my girl and her male friend when the ad mentioning vaginal discharge came on.I suddenly found an excuse to leave the room.

  6. Agree entirely! Your post was gross and hilarious. We know WHY we need them, they just need to convince us why we need their brand. Way to make a female feel yucky about her perfectly natural processes.

  7. Oh... oh my god, I am so glad it's not just me.

    The first time I saw that add about the "damp places" I was at the gym. On the weight machines. Surrounded by men. And we all watched this damned commercial come on - and it was a music channel! If it were lifestyle, I'd get it, but no... one second I'm listening to Guy Sebastian, the next I'm listening to some woman talk to me about discharge. In a room full of men.

  8. its really great and interesting information while i am impress from your statement.

  9. Bwahahaha!! I'm with you all the way!! No one wants to hear about man-cheese while you're eating spaghetti bolognaise! Gross.

  10. I Completely disagree, I am a man and can see no reason why I must not know of vaginal discharge or smegma, in fact I would have been dumb to think that a large mucus membrane such is the vagina would not produce discharge and that covering something with skin and putting it in your pants will not lead to skin cells, salt, and sweat etc accumulation if not washed.. besides it is just the way it is! deal with it, why does it in anycase bother anyone? if I can have sex and or oral sex then what is the issue at hand? We are living things not robots we eat sleep sweat, urinate, defecate etc etc...


Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me x

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